Permissions; beliefs

Photograph credit: Gregory Pappas at instagram.com/sekibaku

You allow it. And it happens. Continues to happen. You let the patterns go on without intervention. And they do. You allow it. Accept it. See and un-see it. You let it become regular, drawing room scenery. You allow it, accept it, welcome it. It all. The words, actions, no words, no actions, their absences, delays, their tones, body languages, their treatment of you, their perspective of you, how much respect you get,  what meaning your words hold, what your wishes mean, what your needs receive, if they wait for you, what your presence means, if your absence matters. You let it. Your mindless acceptance permitted it. Your own skewed perspective of self moulds the outsiders’. You create it. It all. Within you. At the very first. With your accumulated, highly subjective, flash cards about yourself. You set things in motion. In your own universe, first. It starts to churn ideas, images, opinions, of yourself. It starts to, then, spew this outwards. A whirlpool of circulatory energies surround you. And it emits what you consciously and unconsciously believe about yourself. I am the talkative one. I am the shy one. I’m the one who is addicted to sugar. I am the one with coarse hair. I am the one with a big nose, come observe it, agree with me, comment on how ugly it is, along with me. I’m the stuck up one. I’m the fun one. I’m the one who is supposed to be dramatic. I’m the clown and so I’ll start and will not stop making a fool of myself. I’m the one who loves gardening so obviously I’ll be your go to encyclopedia for all biological plant names. I’m the clumsy one and supposed to fall or trip or bang into things so please start and don’t stop to expect just that and I will start and will not stop to fall and trip and bang into things. I’m the one always overspending on candles, mugs, and scarves, and so I’ll continue to behave in that way, whether I truly feel like getting these things or not, I will continue to build up on them, accumulate them, unsuspectingly agreeing and confirming and complying with this perspective of myself, to fit in this mould, that sure I created, but I don’t necessarily have to stick to religiously if I have moved on from it, if that is not a definitive criteria about me anymore, but, wait, it is so now. So I must comply. To make it simpler, to make it less complex. For myself, at least. Imagine sitting and having to question myself about wanting or not wanting these candles, scarves, or mugs. Maybe not question anything at all and just go with it because why do we have to give in to the urges of having a definitive description and conclusion about everyone and everything to make it just simple? Why can’t we be ok with things changing all the time? Which is what truly is happening. That is when misery starts. When our true nature, the nature of change, stops aligning with our roles, defined personalities, moulds, societal conventions, expectations of ourselves and of others who we associate with regularly. Our true nature starts to wander away. More and more and farther and higher. Doing what the law of nature wants it to do. But our rock solid beliefs keep on pulling it back, keeping it tied, bounded, suffocated, eventually. No wonder, that’s why it’s called being “stuck” in bonds and seeking and attaining liberation is such a high attainment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s