Look up

Photograph credit: Brandi Redd at unsplash.com/brandi1

Everyone on their phones. All the time. Doing what ? Finding what ? What are they all looking for ? Me too. Why then, with all this searching, do I feel more lost than ever ? Am I completely complete, yet, just “feel like” that I’m not ? Is the sheer variety and quantity of information just not palatable to me ?

In this sea of data, I try to make sense of what it is that I’m after, constantly doubting my decisions. Maybe, instead of my inquisitions inwards, I get constantly pulled into these outward snapshots of the people in the whole wide world, sharing their absolute best at their absolute best time of shining. And, in the process, I’m judging and feeling less than capable in myself. Or this urge to rebut all their posts with my own, highly polished, select best, moments of glory. To quench that ego. In this whole meaningless exchange, completely overlooking what I truly want and need. No wonder I feel so lost, so often. Living for the frames, not for myself. Experiencing memorable family birthdays, all the fun parties, the soothing ocean waves, velvet lush forests, sigh worthy valleys, and all the delicious homemade and restaurant meals through my screen in place of my soul. Obviously, the experience is not the same when I look through the photos and the videos.

Sure, a few, selected captures are very helpful to save the memory. But the abnormal quantities and angles captured are a waste; do I ever see ALL those images? No, I’m not a photographer or a professional blogger; this post does not necessarily apply to professionals and serious hobbyists of the photography world. Let’s be honest, typically, the more I obsess over getting the absolute right shot (to share that moment of glory), the less present I get in THAT moment of experience.

I have experimented with varying success to take breaks from social media, and my phone in general. The experience has been undeniably introspective each time. I’ve remembered more things without reminders, I’ve reached out to more long lost connections, I’ve written more, discovered more of what my heart actually wants on the internet and outside, felt more positive and grateful towards my life, etc. I do have, however, not been the first to know about happenings around me, about trends and updates. But, I’ve been updated about the same by people unintentionally discussing them all around me. Like the old school times, word of the mouth.

So, doesn’t hurt to balance it all out by checking in with the world on the internet. But, getting sucked into it and forgetting to live my real life, now that’s a problem, for me at least.

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