Anxiety Excitement

Photograph credit: Lidya Nada at and

A note to self:

It’s not anxiety, it’s excitement. The way my brain and body start to buzz with energy is nothing but anticipatory nervousness, the way the stomach knots before a stage performance. The sudden way that the brain gets into a creative overdrive, coming up with too many innovative ideas to keep up with, causes a normal human reaction of skepticism and fear. It is not fear, it’s excitement. The fear is but a small test to pass before I can get to work to realize at least one of those amazing ideas that I can’t wait to dirty my hands with. The kinds that make me forget to eat and sleep. It is not anxiety, it is an almost unbearable, lunatic sensation to grasp the vibrations of all these ideas; of course it is not possible to grasp them all together. Don’t be afraid of the sensation, it is a preliminary to what lies ahead. It is an overbearing wait that my soul expresses before it can jump and view the sparkling skyline already. An organized, structured layout where all my ideas can be looked at together; coordinated, so that they are linked and one pure meaning is rising up from it all. It is not anxiety, but a sweaty, breathless moment behind the curtains, before I meet the true purpose of my life.

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